The Lobster House - Wandsworth

In the evening, the only option available on the menu was the 1.25lb lobster. I was slightly disappointed as I had planned to order the 2lb lobster, but in the end, the 1.25lb portion was more than enough. The lobster comes pre-cracked with a small plate of tools, including a stylish lobster bib. None of the other diners seemed to be up for the messy challenge, but we eagerly rolled up our sleeves and dove in.

The minimum charge to eat in this place is £10 and if you don't have any cash. There is no option. Owners don't seem to know how a restaurant runs.

I came here recently on a Groupon voucher looking forward to a delicious lobster meal next to the River Thames (not the best view I know, but it was alright when we went at night). I was expecting the place to be packed so it was the first drawback when we turned up to an empty restaurant apart from the one foreign waitress and chef. She immediately knew who we were which told me that they probably weren 't expecting many more customers that night. The whole harbour indeed itself was rather silent, and the large restaurant Marco Polo located opposite the Lobster House was also empty. Looking at other reviews, it seems that the Lobster House never had a fine knack for customers.The place was lovely, a very contemporary style apart from the fact that the heaters weren 't working so it was horridly freezing and the staff quarters were plain to view. When we asked the waitress if we could possibly sit upstairs where there would be a better view she refused as the upper floor was for 'events ' when obviously nobody was going to turn up expecting a full-on party when the whole room echoed stillness. Our table on the ground floor was very nice however-we ordered two Cokes and two alcoholics which were served very quickly and in good quantities. Good so far.We then ordered from the menu-I 'd call it that, but really it was just a sheet of laminated paper unedited that sounded more like a menu you 'd get at a shoddy Chinese takeaway with all the spelling mistakes and display errors. For pastas and spaghetti they were very elaborate in what they had, referring it as 'any type, any style ' for £6.50. I would have loved to have tried it just to see what it would have been like but keeping strict to our Groupon lengths we got four grilled lobsters, four lobster bisque soups and also a salt and pepper squid that I personally requested as it was one of my all-time favourites. As a condiment they gave us warm bread, butter and de-seeded olives which were at first a treat but as you will find out turned out be just another way to bring in money.Bisque came after about twenty minutes, wasn 't particularly hot but more or less lukewarm, the bread they said was coming with the soup just wasn 't there and when we asked for it (as it had been on the voucher) the waitress said that the bread we had just had was that very bread. The soup itself was very nice, filled to an adequate amount and swirled around with butter. It would have been nice for something to bite on during the soup but it was still a very nice dish. During this time the salt and pepper squid also turned up, which was ultimately very nice-very little oil but still crispy and that golden colour, not overcooked, and was served in a quite large portion for one with a sweet and spicy dip and a small salad which we all shared. If anything that was probably the best dish out of the lot.After removing our starters we waited for another twenty-thirty minutes before our lobsters came. At a distance, they looked like a lot and I was wondering if I would even finish mine with such a colossal amount of lobster meat to eat-turns out there was hardly any, and the meat that was there was cold, some parts not even cooked right, and it was incredibly hard to remove, which means that the shellfish is not fresh and 'live ', as they claimed, although judging by the appalling standards it was probably from a deep freezer and had been caught eons ago. Mine was mainly alright but very bitter in parts, whereas my brothers was so cold it looked hardly cooked at all. My mother and fathers ' lobsters were of a similar standard. It was very disappointing for my mother, who loves seafood, particularly shellfish and oysters, which we had freshly caught in Vigo once and were amazingly fresh (not that I enjoy raw oysters, but I tried one all the same). My brother sent his lobster back and after the chef reheated it and cooked it properly it was alright, although the amount of meat was still lacking. Oh yes- and there was no flavouring or seasoning, or even dips. When we asked for ketchup and mayonnaise only after about ten minutes, with only two tables in the room, did she come back with just ketchup. We didn 't bother asking again for the mayonnaise but reading previous complaints on Trip Advisor this isn 't the first time service forgot to bring a small dollop of a condiment onto the table. The lobster came with a tin of chips, which were thinly cut and very nice indeed, and a salad like the one from the salt and pepper squid we had had for starters. Overall a very saddening dish. After the waitress removed our dishes and we sat talking we noticed the only customers that dined at our time come in, probably like us scavenging around the more isolated regions of London after a day out in the city and looking for someone to eat, another group of four. They ordered the same lobster dishes as us for mains and received them almost just after ours were served, even though we had got there probably an hour before them and they had starters too. You could immediately see the contrast between theirs, regular customers, and us, the Groupon visitors. Where our lobsters were miniature, frozen and a bit off their lobsters were beautifully cooked, practically brimming with fresh lobster meat, not frozen, and using a fork the meat just fell away like a flaky salmon, showing freshness. We were horrified but the fact that because we were Groupon visitors we had gotten such a lowly deal. Having lost our appetite, none of us ordered desserts, even though originally I had been contemplating on getting something from the miniature list.It got even worse when it came to the bill-a whopping £96! From a voucher! For lobsters mainly uncooked and frozen, some soup and squid, four drinks?! It couldn 't be. But looking at the bill the waitress had written, we then noticed that she had added on £2 pp for the 'delicious bread ' and olives we had had, which were originally meant to have sided the soup. Also there was a hefty 12.5% service charge AND a supposedly 'optional ' cover charge of £2 pp which the waitress had just blatantly added without asking. When we complained to her about the poor dishes she only shrugged and said 'there 's nothing I can do '. Her most helpful line was getting us through to the apparently missing boss through an email so we could complain. What a horrible, horrible meal. Whereas the regular customers were having the time of their lives! probably for a better deal too!Please, if you want to eat lobster, go down to the Docklands or a good nearby local fishmonger who sells real fresh fish. You can make your own lobster, with flavouring, meat and good quantities, at home on any day. Just don 't go here-especially if you 're from Groupon.

This place truly is awful! The service, the decor, the food.My wife and I had a groupon voucher for surf and turf, the steak was advertised as fillet and was like minute steak which half was fat!!! The half a lobster was over cooked also. When we complained we were ignored, to which I asked the other girl who was Spanish refused to give us her name, also the the name of the owner, point blankly explained it wasn't her fault!!! No sauces, no draft larger and no finger bowls!! Terrible experience! DO NOT EAT HERE!! Couldn't even give me a VAT Receipt without an argument!!! Absolutely dreadful hence why it's empty! Should of read trip advisor first which we do usually!!! We also noticed lots of food on the floor to the table next to us, which the waitress said she had no time to clean this, even though there were two waitresses on and only 5 people including ourselves in the restaurant.

We came here for a friends birthday meal, what a let down.Food is very average and way over priced, a risotto for £18....really?Could have got better from a packet. Really underwhelming. The bang bang prawns are more like soggy brown mess. Drinks are seriously over priced and not good quality.Will not go back again, lovely location but really needs to change menu and prices.